Mirran Overcompensator

It is complete! This is a card mat for my own personal use, based on some characters from the card game Magic: The Gathering. I honestly don’t remember how long it took to finish, but I assure you, it was a mighty pain. Ah, the labors of love.

The guy on the upper left is a card named Mirran Crusader. Ever since the day he was released on the world (janurary 30th, 2011) he has been haunting my dreams. I have lost more tournaments to this card, this ONE card than any other. He’s not the biggest, the most powerful, or the most threatening. But he lies in a perfect vortex of horrible that is pin-pointed to countering my play style. Every time he gets played, I die a little inside, and know my battle is now not only uphill, it’s an inversed incline.

And yes, those swords are duck-taped to his feet.

Normally he only carries the giant gold scythe...glaive…thing. The other 3 swords, Feast and Famine, Body and Mind, War and Peace, are extra cards which can make him several shades worse than the devil. If some enterprising soul (I’m looking at you…ANNE. And Eric. And that other guy at Manawerx. You know who you are) gets all 4 cards together, the Mirran Overcompensator is born.

This image is an in-joke for Magic players, but I will separate it into 2 different languages in case you’re (you aren’t) curious to what’s going on. Explaining a joke makes it unfunny, but don’t say I didn’t try!

Non-Magic Speak
The guy on the left (Mirran Crusader) is smaller in size than all these other creatures (the elf ebing the exception) yet none of them are capable of harming him due to their color (not a racist point, lol. Game mechanic) The giant Black creature on the right is over double his size, yet for all his might, might as well be trying to swim on land for all the good he can do against the crusader.

Consequently, all these poor souls are my favorite cards to play, and Mirran Crusader and his horrible swords always manage to ruin the day.

Magic-Speak
Mirran Crusader is a White creature. 2/2 for 1WW. Doublestrike, Protection from Green and Black. Pretty impressive, yes? Each of these other creatures is either Black or Green, so they can’t block him or harm him in any way.

Equipping the swords only makes him worse. With one of each of the swords (Feast and Famine, Body and Mind, War and Peace) which has happened to me (I managed to stall the game up to this point, lol) he becomes this monstrosity:

-8/8, Doublestrike, protection from Black, Blue, Green, Red, White.
-When he deals combat damage to a player, you untap all your lands (keep in mind, all these effects happen twice because of doublestrike) get two 2/2 wolf tokens, and gain life (twice) equal to the number of cards in your hand. Your opponent discards 2 cards, mills the top 20 cards from their library, and loses life equal to the number of cards in their hand (twice).

Granted, getting this exact scenario is VERY difficult, and the game will probably be long over before then, but it's certainly possible.

Yeah. God help us.

Back to normalcy

But soon, my retribution. Mirran Crusader and those pesky swords rotate (are not tournament legal) this October, so they have 2 weeks left to steal my hopes and dreams.

I will not miss them.

I will dance on their graves, I will weep tears of pure bliss, I will shout from the rooftops, I will laugh in the face of everyone who has made him a staple of their deck these past few seasons, I will…

Make a mat commemorating how he destroys what I love?

Yes, as much as I hate him, for all the dozens of games and tournaments he’s knocked me out of, I wish to have something to remember him by. For you see, it’s almost a meme now. Everyone in my group knows he is my kryptonite. They find it amusing. Even people at the game stores who don’t know my name know me as “that guy who hates Mirran Crusader”. They find it hilarious.

And why? Because, ever the showman, I have to make it a memorable experience. If I don’t slump dramatically in my chair or weep mockingly, I’ll raise my hand and say “I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for that meddling Mirran, and his pesky swords!” (Scooby doo) or declare “The only thing I regret is the series of events that led me to this moment”. People find it amusing, and I like to make them laugh with my death throes

So to you, Mirran Crusader. Burn in hell. Say hello to Cromat and all the other gods-cursed horrors that came before you. I’ll be wishing your successor, whoever it may be, a similar fate. But nobody has caused me as much excruciating pain as you.

We’re star crossed lovers, you and I. Two sides of the same coin. You’re the oppressive and smug yin to my peaceful amiable yang. And personally, I think having you be remembered as diving headlong into your enemies, contrail of sparkly rainbow beams (artistic license) behind you every time I place the mat on a table is a fitting memorial.

You would have wanted it that way.

All characters in the image are property of Wizards of the Coast. Phyrexian Obliterator, Elvish Archdruid, Thragtusk, Bloodgift Demon, Thrun the Last Troll, Mirran Crusader and the Swords are licesnced to Magic: the Gathering